Parenting - Remaining connected with Children

Parenting –the process of keeping oneself connected with our own children

“LIGHTEN UP....YOU’LL ALL HAVE MORE FUN, AND A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP” The above is the advice given by Richard Templar in his book “The Rules of Parenting”. I completely agree .With all the pressures and stress of these times, suddenly happiness is moving out of our lives. The latest issue of outlook magazine (Dec 29,’08) features a beautiful cover story “How to be happy in these gloomy times”. Ms Sheela Reddy asking “Are you happy” finds people staring at her as if she has asked “Have you seen God lately ?”. She asks 77yr old, the People’s President Mr A P J Abdul Kalam, the mantras for happiness. Family life , Being taught early in life to overcome problems rather than let them overcome one and Good Books are the first three in the list of five mantras given by him for self.

Hence, let me express my gratefulness to fourteen parents, who could make time to be available for our follow up interactions after the workshop “ Light the Lamp Within” for their children. Lots of insights were obtained, relationships blossomed and happy moments were shared. One of the parents remarked that the interactions helped her in doing away with the curtain drawn between her and her child. Interestingly, the other ninety- six could not make time due to one thing or the other. At least three children apologised on behalf of their parents for their absence. This made me really understand as to how stressed parents are today. However, since their children love them, this should reduce their stress.

I also shared the response of 110 children from their parents to the query “What three things they expect from their parents ?” and expectations given by them are given below-

Love ,Attention and Time top the list and the findings, to my mind, does not mean that they do not get these from their parents but definitely they wish to have more of these in their childhood and specially in teenage, when they are being exposed to number of new perspectives, dilemmas and questions.

On being asked to respond to question “What three sentences they will like to hear from parents? the responses were as given below-

Some sentences they wished to hear were-
1) You are the best /make every child like my child(55)
2) Appreciation/noticing improvements (53)
3) We are proud of you (41)
4) Encouraging/inspiring/keep it up (35)
5) I love you (35)
6) Suggestions for improvement/pointing major mistakes/scolding when needed(20)
7) Things/gifts/allowing junk food, playing computers, cycling(20)
8) Words of guidance(17)
9) Words of happiness(14)
10) About me/acknowledging me (9)
11) Dreams fulfilled by the child (8)
12) Assurance of being with a child/help in fulfilling his dream(3)
13) Believe me / not force me(1)
This clearly indicates that the craving for child to be considered outstanding and appreciated is so predominant. They do want their parents to be proud of themselves and want to be encouraged with strokes of love and guidance. May be today, even parents consider academic achievements as the criterion of success of their children. In the process, the support and nurturing of children, their values and beliefs to attain their potential is diminishing.
What should the children do now in this situation? I will be happy if children are able to convince their parents of necessity of the above and demand from them effective parenting in the interest of building a bond, which will make their parents also happy in times to come. After all, isn’t happiness the ultimate goal of life?